I don't know anymore. When I entered this thing they told me it was a race, and I thought - awesome! I'll run circles around that lard-assed turtle. But lookin' around at the other matchups - chicken vs. osprey, platypus vs. boa constrictor, salmon vs. octopus - I'm starting to think that laying eggs has something to do with it......and why is my race scheduled during the 'comic relief' portion of the event?...........I gotta talk to my damn agent,man. Shit.
Are you kidding? Imagine how much cement that would need. And cement doesn't grow on trees you know. It grows in the sand, and do you know how hard it is to get things to grow in sand? It's friggin' hard.
I'm just amazed that cement isn't way more expensive.
According to GQ (really, THE authority for this sort of thing), if you're a cannibal having a chow down with your mates, you can wear any damn thing you want. And at our dinners, we always leave out one course just in case some fashion critic starts complaining.
I don't know what your dreams are like, but damn, in my dream when I show up to school naked, everyone else is too. And everyone in the school is now female. And they're all hot for me. And............zzzzzzzzzz.
I'll just douse myself with gasoline. That'll cover up the dandelion smell, and the chicks say they really dig it ........... just a sec ........... where did I put my .......... damn ............. hey, you got a smoke?
What? You some kinda pansy? Some sorta....mama's boy? Huh? Your mama still dress you? Does she help you with your little sockies in the morning? Huh? Did you forget to put your diaper on today? Gonna poop your pants? Huh? Gonna poop in your stinky little diaper and get poop everywhere?
Huh?
Choo-Choos are for freakin' babies, man. B-A-B-I-E-S.
Chicken monkeys are extinct now, but when I was young, the alpha male of our group would tell legends of these shod beasts; the powerful head and torso of an ape, but the weak legs and frail feet of a chicken. To support their top heavy bodies, they fashioned ingenious three pronged shoes out of bamboo. These shoes proved to be so useful at tidying up after oneself, they were universally adopted and renamed 'rakes'.
Well, there's really nothing a moth loves to do more than make a weekend of going out to the woods, fluttering around a campfire and playing chicken with the flames. When things get a little too hot, there's nothing like taking a break and kickin back with a cold one and a good bowl of cedar chips.
Unfortunately, what is just a jarfull to us is a lifetime supply to them, and without the chips those hours around the campfire just aren't the same.
I have noticed a hell of a lot of them flying around my porch light lately, snooping around. But I've got those chips stashed away where no moth will ever find them again.
Look, straw on fruit violence is a scourge this world can do without, and my milkshake is probably pretty darn happy I don't have to punch it to get the straw in.
Of course, before the straw goes in I have to whip it....whip it good.
